Call Us Now: 1-623-584-6299

site image

Blog

Our blog


Welcome to our blog. Here we will share useful information with you on topics ranging from funeral planning and cremation to positive living and grief support.

Educating our community is only half of our job. The other half is listening. We take pride in our exemplary and caring service and do our best to be available to you for all of your questions. If you have a question or a blog topic that you would like to suggest, feel free to get in touch. Your ideas and thoughts are incredibly valuable to us.

You can find our latest posts on this page. Click on the calendar to review postings from prior periods and remember to check back here often!

How should I prepare for my funeral preplanning meeting?

Published: October 18, 2019

site image

First, relax. Talking about your funeral plans might make you a little uncomfortable at first but making a plan doesn’t mean you will be using it anytime soon. Your funeral director or advance planner will guide you through the process. Most people get very comfortable in just a few minutes.   

Do consider bringing someone with you. Be aware that children are often reluctant to come. They don’t want to think about losing you. Insist they come anyway. They will thank you later. 

Do allow enough time. Typically, you will need an hour or two to get the most from your preplanning appointment.   

Make a list of your questions. You may be undecided about some things. That’s fine.  This meeting is a good place to get the information you will need. Just ask. Why should I have a gathering? Is it important for my family to see my body? If I am cremated what are my options for a service? What are the benefits of paying advance? If I pay in advance can I make payments? Any question you have, is a good question.  

Probably the most important thing you can do to prepare for your meeting is simply to think about your family and your friends. Who are your people? Brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, the friends you have known forever and the friends you see every day. Picture them. Think about them. What will they remember about you?  What kind of a service will bring them comfort? Will they want to share stories? Will music be important? Will a spiritual component be a valuable part of your service? 

Become aware that not everyone in your circle may find comfort in the same way. Tell your planner about the needs of your family and friends. Let the funeral professional help you find the right fit for your people. The funeral is for the survivors, so think about them.  

People smile, they even laugh at these meetings. What you are about to do is a final gift for those you love.   

 

www.caminodelsol.com

Grief is individual

Published: October 11, 2019

site image

Let’s talk about the stages of grief. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I studied them in nursing school, reviewed them when I got divorced and generally found them to be a pretty accurate and helpful bit of knowledge. And then, a family member died. Stages?   

In our house it was more like we all went to the amusement park and were all on very different rides. Up and down, round and round, quiet and loud. We were definitely not that family walking together peacefully along a path through stages. We were all a bunch of nuts. Although we love each other, we were dangerously close to coming apart at the seams. 

I don’t think we are the only ones. Death is the number one stressor for families. I’ve seen families break under the weight of illness and loss. Funeral directors will tell you the hardest part of their work is dealing with families who are emotionally fragmented. 

We all experience grief differently. It’s a singular journey. But you have to get along. If you don’t work it out you risk losing your family, not just the one member who actually died. So, what helped us?

Deep breathing and listening, I mean really listening to understand not just hear.  Recognizing anger as an expression of fear. Seeing frenzied activity as a coping mechanism for helplessness. Making room for each other’s ways of expressing love.   

Accepting the prayers and the mementos even when the prayers aren’t ours and the memento is not what we would choose for a funeral.   

Being tolerant of each other’s needs and expression of their personal grief. Looking for what’s motivating the behavior not just the behavior itself. Being kind and tolerant. Hugging the huggers and giving the non-huggers their space. Letting go of judgment and making room for differences. I mean really, so what if your sister cries loudly? What’s the harm? 

The days before a funeral, the time during the arranging of the funeral and weeks following a funeral are not easy. You and your family can come out of it broken or stronger.

It's not really a funeral plan if it's not at the funeral home

Published: October 4, 2019

site image

It’s fair to state that funerals stick in the mind of a loved one years after a death. It’s important that you get it right. Please don’t put your wishes in the drawer with the rest of your files. Oh, and that thing where you tell the kids what you want. That’s not the best either.   

Here’s what often happens: 

The funeral plan in the file - It might be part of the estate plan or stuck in with the financial advisor’s paperwork, or just written on some paper. It is highly likely that it will not be found until well after the funeral is over. In the hours following a death there are literally more than a hundred things to do. The list exists and people count this stuff. There is a lot to do over a short period of time when someone dies. Your family will not be going through the files.   

They will not know you wanted to wear your blue dress and that you wanted The Wind Beneath My Wings sung at your funeral. They just won’t. So, imagine the anguish when they find your “plan” two weeks after the funeral service is over.   

Imagine how they are going to feel when they realize they buried you in the wrong dress and sang the wrong song. Terrible. That’s how they will feel.  Sadly, they’ll feel that way for a very long time.  

You’ve told your kids what you want - Seems like it will be ok, but maybe not.  A woman and her two sisters have not been on speaking terms since their mother died. Seems everyone heard something different from mom regarding what she wanted. The twins heard she didn’t care, just “do what you want”. So, when mom died visiting one of them, a Southern Baptist service was arranged. That service stunned Martha who was raised Catholic and heard mom say she wanted “a service just like the one we did for your dad.”  

Call the funeral home, make an appointment and get everything written down and on file at the funeral home. It’s easy and there is no charge for the appointment.

We all love in very different ways: Preserving the family relationship while planning a funeral

Published: October 1, 2019

site image

You are with someone with whom you share some history. Maybe it’s a brother, sister, or a childhood friend. You are talking about an event from the “old days” and you suddenly realize you all remember the event a little differently. Most of us have had this experience. Our relationships work in a similar fashion. The way we love, like the way we remember, is unique to each of us.   

A man’s children know him as Dad. Each child knows and loves a slightly different Dad. His wife knows and loves him in yet a different way. A wife may know fears, strengths, hopes, and dreams children never saw. They all love, but in such different ways. Though not a bad thing, it can add to the stress a family experiences during a death and subsequence funeral planning. 

So how do you preserve your family relationship and plan a funeral that provides comfort for each family member?  

  1. Establish a common goal. For example: “We want a funeral that reflects Mom’s life, her love for us and our love for her.”  
  2. Understand someone has the final say. This is usually the person who is financially and legally responsible. 
  3. Agree to listen to each other. REALLY listen with purpose. Listen to understand a point of view, not with the singular intent of getting to the good part where you get to say what you want. 
  4. Seek input from a variety of close family members or friends. Don’t forget the little ones. Ask them about grandma. What did they love to do with her? Do they have a special memory or story? 
  5. Let go. Realize everything is not going to be as you would choose. Give a little or maybe even a lot.  
  6. Ask for a time out when you need it. Your first reaction to someone’s idea may be tempered with a little time and thought. 
  7. Use your questions: Tell me more about that? Why is ______ important to you? 
  8. Take the advice of Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand and then be understood.” 

Emotions are raw when families are mourning a death. Tread lightly and be kind.  Remember you may want to have Thanksgiving dinner with these people in a few months! 

September 10, 2018 | 0 Comments | Category: Honoring

15 POEMS AND QUOTES TO HONOR GRANDPARENTS THIS GRANDPARENTS DAY

Compiled by Jenny Goldade

With Grandparents Day approaching this coming Sunday, we wanted to share some inspirational poems and quotes to honor grandparents.

These touching sayings can help us grieve and honor grandparents who are no longer physically with us, but forever in our hearts.

2

GRANDPARENTS — UNKNOWN

Grandparents bestow upon

their grandchildren

The strength and wisdom that time

And experience have given them.

Grandchildren bless their Grandparents

With a youthful vitality and innocence

That help them stay young at heart forever.

Together they create a chain of love

Linking the past with the future

The chain may lengthen,

But it will never part…


WE HAD A WONDERFUL GRANDFATHER — UNKNOWN

We had a wonderful grandfather,

One who never really grew old;

His smile was made of sunshine,

And his heart was solid gold;

His eyes were as bright as shining stars,

And in his cheeks fair roses you see.

We had a wonderful grandfather,

And that’s the way it will always be,

But take heed, because

He’s still keeping an eye on all of us,

So let’s make sure

He will like what he sees


OUR GRANDDAD — UNKNOWN

It broke our hearts to lose you,

But you never went alone,

For a part of us went with you,

The day god took you home.

A million times we missed you,

A million times we cried,

If love could have saved you,

You never would have died.

To the grave you travel,

Our flowers placed with care,

No-one knows the heartache,

as we turn to leave you there.

Read the rest of the poem here.

MY LOVING GRANDMOTHER — NIVEDEETA PEREIRA

When I had no shoulder to lean on,

And my eyes were filled with tears.

I had my Nana to count on,

to drive away my fears.

Despite all the wrong I’d done,

When the light I couldn’t see,

Nana was my shining sun,

who gently consoled me.

She always encouraged and inspired me,

to follow my every dream,

she’d tell me that I was not alone,

cause she was my team. 

Read the rest of the poem here.


God Saw You Getting Tired — Unknown

God saw you getting tired

and a cure was not to be

so he put his arms around you

and whispered,


Come to Me.

With tearful eyes we watch you

and saw you pass away

and although we loved you dearly

we could not make you stay.

A Golden heart stopped beating

hard working hands at rest.

God broke our hearts to prove us

he only takes the best.

Inspirational Quotes

We gathered a collection of quotes to honor grandparents and remember the love they gave:

“Grandparents are a delightful blend of laughter, caring deeds, wonderful stories, and love.” — Unknown

“Between the earth and the sky above, nothing can match a grandmother’s love.” — Unknown

“Grandparents hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.” — Unknown 

“Sometimes our grandmas and grandpas are like grand-angels.” — Lexie Saige

“Grandparents make the world a little softer, a little kinder, a little warmer.” — Unknown 

“There’s nothing more wonderful than the love and guidance a grandparent can give his or her grandchild.” — Edward Fays 

“My grandmother once said that grief is the price we pay for love.” ­— Prince William

“Some of the world’s best educators are grandparents.” — Charles W. Shedd

“A garden of love grows in a grandmother’s heart.” — Unknown

“A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.” — Unknown

© 2019 Camino Del Sol Funeral Chapel & Cremation Center. All Rights Reserved. Funeral Home website by CFS