The holidays are just around the corner, and you are grieving—unsure how to join in when everything feels so unfamiliar. You may be the spouse. The best friend. The son or daughter. However you have found yourself here, your heart feels heavier than you ever imagined.
The world around you is celebrating, while you’re trying to figure out how to best navigate the day-to-day. I wish I could tell you how. I wish I knew the answers. I wish someone did.
What I do know is that every journey through grief is unique, and I know the pain. For me, the holidays stir up memories of my father, who passed away fourteen years ago in December.
That season left my family wondering: Should we celebrate? Which traditions do we keep, and which do we change? And hardest of all—was it okay to let ourselves feel joy?
Grief raises endless questions, but it also calls for the courage and strength to search for even the tiniest glimmer of hope. The very fact that you’re here, reading these words, shows a bravery you may not even recognize. Yes, you are hurting inside, but you’re also reaching for ways to cope.
My hope is the guidance I’ll share—gathered from numerous resources, the voices of others, and my own path—will help you find your way through grief this holiday season.
Keeping Their Memory Alive
Bereavement counselors remind us that healing doesn’t come from avoiding grief, but from walking through it. The holidays can be a tender time to carry your loved one’s memory forward, allowing it to be part of everyday moments.
You might surround yourself with photos. Display a few on a decorated mantel or strung as ornaments on the tree. Sometimes a single photo in a special place is enough to keep the essence of the person you are missing near.
Another idea is to mark their presence. A candle glowing by the window, a treasured memento displayed, or an open seat at the table can remind you that their love still anchors you.
You could also exchange stories. Invite family members or friends to write down their favorite memories, collect them in a basket and read them aloud together. Laughter, cleansing tears, and connection often come hand in hand.
Healing Activities
Grief leaves an empty space, but heartfelt activities can soften the edges.
Some find gentle healing in putting together a memory book—whether a scrapbook or digital album—filled with mementos, handwritten notes, and photos. Involving children in this process can help them process their own grief, too.
Others write a holiday letter to their loved one. Putting into words what’s happening in your life, what you miss, and what you’re thankful for can bring a sense of inner peace.
And sometimes, a symbolic act—planting a tree or hanging a stocking with their name and filling it with small items that remind you of them—becomes a wordless way of saying, you are still with me.
Carry Their Values Forward
Another way to hold your loved one close is to honor who they were—what they loved, what they believed in, and the values they held dear. Their story can continue through you and others left behind.
Were they passionate about giving back, always lending a hand, or prioritizing generosity during the holidays? You can step into those spaces by donating to a cause they cared about, volunteering your time, or performing random acts of kindness.
If they delighted in food and fellowship, bring their favorites to the table. Bake their favorite dessert, cook their best-loved recipe, and let others savor what they did.
Rethinking Traditions
Traditions can be both comforting and painful. Reshaping them bridges the gap between the past and present, reflecting your ability to keep living while still remembering.
There will be traditions you’ll hold close, others you forgo, and some you turn into something new. Perhaps one you let go will come back around in the future.
There are some families who choose to gather in a different home, go on a holiday lights walk, or keep the tradition of a holiday toast, but now add one line dedicated to their loved one before raising glasses.
These changes didn’t erase the pain, but they reminded us that even in sorrow, the holidays can still hold beauty, hope, and connection worth celebrating.
Closing Thoughts
As this season unfolds, may you remember that you are not alone. May you give yourself grace. May you take time to yourself, but know grief was never meant to be carried in silence.
Surround yourself with family, friends, neighbors—the ones who steady you and listen without judgment. If faith gives you strength, allow it to be a refuge. Know that support groups, online communities, and counselors are out there, ready to share the burden.
In closing, my hope is that your holidays hold moments of warmth and that somewhere along the way, a flicker of light breaks through, because love has a way of carrying us when we cannot carry ourselves.
