I was raised above the funeral home my parents owned in a small town in Indiana. Growing up, I didn’t always love my family’s living situation.
Now, as an adult who takes great pride in working in the funeral industry, I enjoy reflecting on my upbringing.
As I sit down to write this particular blog, I can’t help but to think about the times I stood alongside my mother while she worked as the funeral home greeter.
I remember questioning why everyone had to wear black and get so dressed up to go to a funeral.
A lot has changed since my childhood when the universal dress code was black dresses and suits for women and dark business suits for men.
While most funeral-goers appreciate the fact that the standard for dress is now more relaxed, they often struggle when it comes time to pick an outfit.
My goal in writing this blog is to help readers decide what to wear to a funeral.
Err-on-the-side of Conservative
The best rule of thumb is to dress in a conservative manner that shows respect to the deceased and to the surviving family.
You certainly don’t want to wear anything that would take the focus off the person being memorialized or detract from the solemnity of the occasion.
And although funeral clothing isn’t as limiting as it used to be, it is better to arrive overdressed than underdressed.
Appropriate Clothing Guide
As you read through the tips for men and women’s clothing keep in mind that expectations for dress will vary across different religions, backgrounds, and cultures.
The same will sometimes hold true for different parts of the country as well.
Women’s Clothing
Women’s attire should be classic and modest.
Funerals are not the place for short hemlines or showing a lot of skin.
Simple black dresses and suits are still among the safest choices. Mixed and matched business separates are good options as well.
For tops, it is best to select understated blouses that cover the shoulders. It never hurts to have a wrap or light sweater on hand in case some added warmth is needed.
Comfortable pumps, ballet flats, and dressy sandals are all sensible shoe options.
Men’s Clothing
The dress code for men has long been a black or charcoal suit with the customary button-down shirt and tie.
However, with the changing times, such attire is not always an absolute requirement.
If the funeral is going to be less formal or more celebratory in nature, it may be acceptable to wear something along the lines of business casual.
This could mean opting for a dress shirt minus the tie or even a polo shirt.
Dress shoes and loafers are both considered appropriate types of footwear.
Definite No-Gos
Now that you have an idea of what you can wear to a funeral, let’s have a look at what should be avoided.
Clothing:
- Anything stained or worn out
- Athletic wear and fan gear
- Jeans and shorts
- Loud prints and typography
- Sheer or revealing clothing items
Shoes:
- Tennis shoes and sneakers
- Flip-flops and overly casual sandals
- Stilettos and platforms
Make-up and Accessories:
- Bold lipsticks and eyeshadows
- Flashy jewelry
- Strong perfume and cologne
- Ball caps
- Oversized handbags
Consider the Circumstances
Guests should always take into consideration where the service is going to be held.
Someone attending a service at a funeral home or place of worship is expected to dress up more than someone going to a celebration of life at a reception center.
There are times when the surviving family will request a particular dress code. The details are typically announced in the obituary.
Family members may include a note like “Katie’s favorite color was purple, so feel free to wear purple to honor her memory” or “Jeff never left home in anything other than a t-shirt and jeans, so we invite you to do the same.”
Understated Style
End of life services are not about making fashion statements.
That isn’t to say that you can’t tastefully incorporate your own personal style into an outfit.
For example, someone who likes to wear bold colors might pair a brighter hued blouse with a dark jacket and a pair of basic trousers.
Another sensible option would be to add an accent like a necktie, scarf, or necklace that has a pop of color.
Anyone wanting to add a little unexpected interest to their outfit should keep it subtle and not go over the top.
Final Thoughts
These times are difficult enough without having to worry about what to wear to a funeral.
My hope is that this guide will help you feel confident in your appearance the next time you plan to attend a funeral.
I would like to leave you with 3 final pieces of advice.
- Take the time to iron or steam wrinkled clothing items.
- Always use your better judgment and rely on your instincts.
- Don’t run out and buy new clothes. Chances are there is something in your closet you can make work.
If you have suffered a recent loss please know that the support you will be offering the family by simply attending the funeral is far more important than what you will wear.
Be sure to check out our funeral etiquette overview for more information about other common funeral concerns.
